Cerebral Catholic Dad

As a guy with cerebral palsy, I know that lack of understanding, prejudice, and downright discrimination are a part of life. People get nervous around or fear what they don’t know.

In elementary school, I drooled (until having saliva glands removed at Duke when I was 8 or 9), and got mocked for that and my speech impediment.

When I was a college student home on spring break and using my time off to try and secure a summer job, the manager of a shoe store in my hometown blatantly lied to my face and told me in a sing-song, patronizing tone that they had just finished their hiring despite the “help wanted” sign in the window, even after I told him I was a sophomore at Catholic University who had just been accepted to transfer to UNC-Chapel Hill in August. The next day, the same guy enthusiastically offered an application to my mom as I came around the corner, and he turned white as a ghost as Mom proceeded to rip him a new one.

I am now almost 40, have an MA in Government, and serve as Vice President of Policy for a national disability rights organization in Washington, D.C. I am married with 5 kids, and own a home. I wonder sometimes if that guy is still selling Brikenstocks and Merrills…

Once, when my wife and I met some friends for dinner, the hostess gestured towards me after seating us and asked my wife, “Is he allowed to have silverware?”

Unfortunately, lack of awareness, exposure, or knowledge can lead to ignorance—however well-intentioned—and can come from anywhere.

Teaching my Kids

My oldest son LOVES history—especially military history. Together, we have watched Ken Burns’ documentaries on the Civil War, WWII, and Vietnam. We’ve watched “Saving Private Ryan,” “Glory,” “Gods and Generals,” and “Gettysburg.” He devours history books from the library.

Needless to say, I wasn’t shocked when he expressed interest in learning to shoot guns. I was never introduced to firearms as a kid, mainly because my mom wasn’t sure I could do it, given my physical challenges. Nevertheless, both my parents will tell you that I have always been the type who would overhear someone express doubt about my ability to do something, and then quietly resolve to do whatever that thing was, come hell or high water.

My son started with a Red Ryder BB Gun two years ago (“You’ll shoot your eye out, Ralphie!”). As he has shown responsibility, I have tried to encourage his desire to learn more. I grew up with a dad who, along with his dad and eight brothers, is a big supporter of the Second Amendment, firearm safety, and hunting/shooting sports. When my dad was growing up, he and his dad and brothers would go hunting up at camps in Maine, New Hampshire, and even the north woods of New Brunswick, Canada, from whence my great-grandfather hailed. It’s probably been 35 years since Dad has regularly hunted, but it was a hobby for him and his siblings.

As a politically aware person, I am very supportive of citizens’ rights to own firearms and defend themselves and their families. Our founders made it the 2nd amendment for a reason, and as a Virginian, I am concerned about the impact that proposed new laws will have on the rights of law-abiding citizens seeking to exercise their rights to keep and bear arms. We are not British subjects of King Charles III today because our forebears had guns. I’ll leave it at that.

It was not until I was in my twenties that my dad and one of my brothers-in-law took me to a gun range for the first time to shoot all kinds of firearms that my brother-in-law had.

For Christmas this past year, my wife and I got our son a .22 rifle, and we’ve gone to a friend’s farm a few times to shoot it.

About a month ago, my son and I went to an airsoft shooting course, CZ Airsoft, near our home, where we spent an afternoon in a tournament with other folks, including another dad and his boys. The facility was set up with various obstacles and hiding places. You use air-powered guns that shoot 20-gram airsoft pellets, and the object is to get all the members of the opposing team out or keep them from capturing a target, while avoiding getting hit yourself.

It was a Sunday afternoon with light snow, but we had a great time army-crawling through the woods, planning tactics, and executing attacks against our opponents. 

Did I mention it was an incredible physical workout?!

That day, I realized how great it felt to share that experience with my son, and, having resolved to make airsoft and shooting sports a hobby for my kids and me, told him we could also go to a shooting range to learn how to shoot the firearms I own. I felt like a competent, good dad who did cool stuff with his kid, and I loved seeing the pure joy on Patrick’s face that day. If you’re a dad, you know that feeling-you feel like you’ve won at life. I know I’m a good dad regardless, but I am my own harshest critic.

I realize some of you may be hesitant about a dad with CP taking their kids to a gun range (my own mother is with you), but I myself have taken two basic firearms safety courses and a concealed carry course. I can and will definitely benefit from more training, but I did avail myself of some fundamental training before endeavoring to teach my 10.5-year-old son and my 8.5-year-old daughter. I also have my concealed carry permit.

A Frustrating Experience with a Good Ending

On Saturday, we went to Clark Bros. Gun Shop in Warrenton, VA, which a good family friend had highly recommended.

We went in, and the young man who had us fill out the waiver was very courteous and friendly. I had brought some firearms that I owned with us, and I also rented and bought ammo for a .357 magnum, a caliber I have shot before, as well as some paper targets.

Upon arriving at the range, they put my kids and me in an accessible lane with an adjustable-height shelf for shooters with disabilities, which I took as a sign that they regularly host customers with disabilities. When the red light went on, I joined everyone else in going down range to staple a target to the post. When the green light went on, signaling that it was safe to start loading and shooting, a Range Safety Officer (RSO), who was probably close to my age, give or take a few years, came up to ask if we were good.

The RSO was hovering over me while I was trying to load my own firearm magazines and the .357 magnum, and I was nervous to have someone over my shoulder. 

In my nervousness, my shoulder twitched as I was trying to put ammo in the .357. I could sense his concern immediately.

I tried to tell him I had CP and that I’ve shot multiple times before. 

I was going to demonstrate for my kids before guiding them and letting them shoot. 

The RSO then told me, “Yeah, maybe not today, sir. But hey, let’s get the kids shooting!” 

I totally understand that people might be nervous about someone like me shooting, but I wish he had asked questions and at least made an effort to know what I’m saying. 

I realize that RSOs are trained to prioritize the safety of all on the range first and second. Looking back, his concern was not malicious, but it was still incredibly embarrassing to feel so emasculated and worthless in front of my children. I am certain he did not intend for me to feel that way, but nevertheless, I did.

I stepped back and motioned for my son to get ready to shoot. A few minutes later, I overheard him tell another RSO, “I’m not comfortable with him shooting.”  

He then proceeded to shoot with Patrick and refused to let me guide my own son. 

I felt bad and could feel embarrassment and anger welling behind my eyes, but I wasn’t going to get upset in front of my kids. In that moment, I decided we’d leave, go get lunch, and then see if we could go to our friends’ farm to shoot.

I also realize, looking back, that I should have had a conversation with someone in the shop about my abilities and accommodation needs.

My wife Kimberly called the shop, spoke with the owner, and explained what happened. The owner apologized profusely and told my wife she hoped I would come back and give them a second chance.

This morning before Mass, I received a call from the owner, who said,

“Hi, Mr. Lewis? This Alvin from Clark Bros. My husband and I own the gun shop and range. I spoke with your wife yesterday afternoon, and afterwards we reviewed the CCTV footage.

I was calling to profusely apologize. Our range safety officers are obviously trained for safety first and second, but this situation definitely should have been handled differently. I hope you’ll come give us another chance because we want everyone to feel welcome here. We want you and your family to have a good experience here because that’s what we’re about. We will be using this footage as a teaching moment for our staff. 

Please ask for me when you come, and I will ensure you guys have a good experience.”

I was pleasantly surprised and will definitely give them another chance. This level of customer service is exceedingly rare these days and deserves to be rewarded. Clearly, these are good business owners who care.

I look forward to going back and writing a great review here on the blog. Stay tuned!